sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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