Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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