Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
there is glitter all over my balls
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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