how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
