im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
