guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
