but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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