I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
