There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
