fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
