so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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