I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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