it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you had me at cake vodka
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
