On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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