she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
