She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
