He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sext me about skeletons
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
