Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
