Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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