the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Houston, we have a squirter
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
