I wish I only lived at night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
