I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
