belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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