your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
