The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
