He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I love having hate sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
