My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
