We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
