I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
