I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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