Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
