omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
