My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In America we eat man semen.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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