I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Randomize
