No stitches, just platelets and will power
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
