what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well you can't waste a boner
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
