Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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