never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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