I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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