Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
