So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
