why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
