remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm getting married
To pizza
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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