Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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