I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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