i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
