p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
