Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
