operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
