I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
